J.D. Salinger

J.D. Salinger died on Wednesday. He was 91 years old and living in seclusion. Salinger was one of my many heroes. He was somehow able to write the one novel that captured the workings of the teenage mind. He produced a piece of art that portrayed our souls. Some would disagree. Their opinions in this case, however, don't matter because those are the people who had happy teenage years. J.D. Salinger showed the world what goes on in the mind of your typical dark and twisty angry teenager. This is incredibly important because the typical dark and twisty angry teenager knows not how to express him or herself which is usually why they are dark and twisty and angry in the first place. Yes, J.D. Salinger did the impossible, and now he is dead. And he never had a chance to sign my copy of his book.
This is not the only reason he is one of my many heroes. Not only did he write the impossible novel, he refused to sell out. He could have gone off and made his book into a movie and made bank off of it, he had plenty of offers. But he didn't. Because he understood that selling out would ruin the integrity of the book and insult the integrity of literature itself. We do not write novels in order to turn a profit (although we hope for the best) we simply write novels in order to inspire someone, to get a message or deeper meaning across, to express what others cannot. So thank you J.D. Salinger for showing the world what it means to be a writer. You will be missed.

Whoa! Long Time No... Blog?

Well lets see... I think it has been almost a year now since I've written anything. I try to every once in a while, but every time I pull up the page my mind draws a blank. So much happens in a year though, I should have something to say right? So, where to begin? I suppose where I left off is as good a place as any. Obviously, January was pretty rough. February was fantastic though. My very first real Valentines Day. Derry took me out to a very fancy dinner and to a movie and then we had awesome dessert from Sweet Life. I can't remember what movie we saw. I'm pretty sure it was lame though, because I can't remember the last time he and I saw a movie that we liked. We're pretty hard to please when it comes to movies, as it turns out. Seriously, did anyone see that Boondock Saints sequel? I was so angry! They completely ruined it.

Honestly I don't remember the exact order or in what months anything else happened so I'll just start from the first thing I remember. I went up to Washington at some point because Derry's sister had a swim meet. It was pretty cool. I got to see a bunch of Olympic records broken. One of Derry's cousins broke some sort of record. I can't remember which one, but it was very exciting at the time. Some time after that I got the pin taken out of my toe. It hurt pretty bad, but not as bad as I thought it would. And I guess it wasn't so much a pin as a screw. It was huge!! And really thick! I don't know how they got it in there in the first place and I try not to think about it because man, it was gross. Derry got it on video. It took me a while to walk like a normal person again. Walking down the stairs was the worst for some reason. But eventually I figured it out again. I went back to work immediately. Oh and I was sort of promoted. I trained a couple of host classes. Ooooh my birthday was nice. Another fancy dinner. We dressed up all cute too. I got a bunch of gift cards for Borders. Then Derry's birthday. That was really awesome! I surprised him with a limo for him and his friends, and me of course. We had so much fun. His mom's birthday was really fun too. She had a huge party at her house. A while after that, I quit working at the Olive Garden. I had a lot of reasons for that, its kind of a long story. Basically I was feeling intensely under appreciated there. Oh! I almost forgot. In August, we went to a Jack's Mannequin concert. It was amazing! I had the best time! Anyway, now I just work at Mekala's. It can be a little bit of a drain sometimes, but the money is good. Derry and I celebrated our one year anniversary a few months ago. That was very exciting. I had no idea it had been so long already. Time flies I guess. Oh and Derry convinced me to start going to the gym. Don't ask me how he did it.

For Thanksgiving, my sister and Tim and the baby came to visit for a few days. I cooked most of the dinner. I hadn't planned on it but it turned out great. Mom and Maylee helped of course. It is always nice to see my sister. We don't talk nearly enough anymore. My fault I'm sure. Gavin is getting so big. And he is just so smart. Christmas was nice too. Although somewhat bittersweet for me because Derry was and still is in Mexico. He won't be back for a couple more weeks. It is really strange to go from seeing someone almost every day to not at all. To go over a month without your better half is not easy. It has been a strange few weeks. My sister and the family came to visit again for Christmas. They have been a nice distraction for me. I tend to start sounding like her after we've been around each other for a while. Tim had to go back home a few days ago but Maylee and Gavin are still here. It is really fun to be around that baby at this age. He is just learning new things everyday. They're going home in a few days though. My mom usually take that the hardest. Her and Gavin just connect to each other so well. After they leave I'm excited to say that I'll be going back to school! Classes start January 4th. I can hardly wait! I've been waiting for this for a very long time. Oh and I bought a purse. I know that doesn't sound very exciting, but it was sort of a big deal at the time. That is really all I can think of right now. I think I hit all the high points. I'm doing great though. Other than missing Derry that is.

Staring At The Ceiling

My last entry was rather boring. I was reading over all of my blogs (on Myspace as well) and it dawned on me that I haven't had an interesting or unique thought to blog about in a very long time. Every once in a while I'll think of something that gets me going but lately all of my thoughts have been so... boring. They generally consist of "What should I have for dinner tonight?" or "I can't remember what time I work tomorrow" or "Which bills are due this week?" or the somewhat frequent "I hate old people". So now I'm finding myself sitting around trying to think up something good to talk about. But I should know better than that shouldn't I? Because the great thoughts come when you least expect them to. While you're driving home from work or sitting in a crowded movie theater. Random. You can't force these things. In that case I guess I should try to forget that I'm trying to come up with something to write about, right? Is that even possible? Because now it's all I can think about. Which means it will never come to me. Because if I purposefully try to distract myself from thinking about this, aren't I thinking about it? I could go around in circles all day long. The point here is that I've run out of things to say. My hands are itching to write something spectacular though. I can feel it. Every single time I pick up a pen it's like torture because I have nothing to write. There are no thoughts overflowing onto the paper, just numbers and names (because I'm usually at work when I'm holding a pen). How sad. Maybe I need something new and exciting to happen in my life. As if my nephew being born isn't enough right? I love that kid, but he doesn't spark any kind of great ideas in my head. Oh well. I guess we'll see what happens. I can feel something about to happen though. The last few months have been so boring and uneventful, almost like we're on the verge of something huge. Just wait. It'll come.

Feeling Contemplative...

I'm not sure what I want to write about tonight. I just know I haven't written anything in a while and I thought it was time for an update, so let's see where this takes us shall we? Let me see here... I came back to Eugene in May so that would make this my 7th month being home I believe. I think I've settled in quite nicely now. I moved out of my mom and dad's house about 2 months ago. I love living on my own. It was scary at first but it is nice to come home to a quiet apartment and just relax after work. Speaking of which, work has been super stressful lately. But I have to say that even though work stresses me out and my parents drive me crazy, I've still never been quite so happy. I can't really explain it. I miss my friends and my family, my sister and my nephew and my brother-in-law, but I feel like for once in my life I'm actually living MY LIFE. I feel like I could do anything. I'm not sure what they call this feeling. Happy just doesn't cut it.

Dead End.

I know I haven't been updating at all lately. I think about it every day but I can't come up with anything to write about. Every time I think I've come up with something, I think about it more and it just bores me. Sorry everyone. It has just been the same old thing lately though. Work, work, work. I think the most exciting thing that has happened to me lately is that today I found a place that sells the best mango smoothies I've ever had. I might just go there every day. Other than that it has been pretty boring around here.

But If You Left It Up To Me...

I work every day of the week. The closest I get to a day off is a couple of hours. As you can imagine it gets pretty exhausting. So, you can see how I wouldn't have very many good days or days with nothing to complain about. I'm the first to admit that I do nothing but complain about work and co-workers and such, but I have to say that I've been doing a lot less of that since I got home from school this year. It isn't because there's been less to be upset about, but rather the opposite. There is so much going on, so much more stress than ever before in my life right now, that I just don't have the energy to grasp it all. I have never been as tired as I have been in the last 3 months. There are so many days during the week that make me want to just give up, lay down and let the world walk all over me. Today is not one of those days. In fact, today is one of the best days that I've had in a very long time. I can honestly say that I haven't felt this good since I got back from Utah. Nothing terribly significant happened today. It was actually one of my more stressful days this week. I had an 8AM meeting at the Olive Garden, worked until 4:00 and then went straight to my other job and worked until 10PM. No break today. However, directly following the meeting I was told by my boss and two co-workers what a great job they thing I've been doing. They had all kinds of great compliments to say, which made me feel great! There is nothing like hearing that you're doing a great job at work. If that wasn't enough, my boss promised me a performance review in the next week or so which means a pay raise, which I've been waiting for for about 2 years now. I was walking on clouds after that, but there is more. When I went to my other job today, we were very busy. I was running my tail off most of the night and getting great tips. The part of the night that really topped off my day was toward the end when one of my customers handed me a huge tip and told me what a wonderful waitress I was and how great of a job he thinks I'm doing. He said he understands how hard it can be going to school and working at the same time and he knows how stressful it can be and he thinks that I'm handling it all so gracefully. I almost cried right there at the table. I know that doesn't sound like much, but it feels so good when someone recognizes how hard I'm working. I really needed to hear all that today. Sometimes that is really all it takes.

I Just Need Light

Do you ever stop to think about how much time we spend in our lives just waiting? We're waiting for the light to turn green, for the line to move just a bit so that we can get an inch closer to getting out of this crowded store, for the next person to start their shift so we can go home, to find out where we'll be in the coming months, waiting for the news, for the bad news we know has to come next, and for the next chapter of our lives to begin. So what am I waiting for you ask? There are a million answers to that question. I wish I had a fast forward button for my life.