But If You Left It Up To Me...

I work every day of the week. The closest I get to a day off is a couple of hours. As you can imagine it gets pretty exhausting. So, you can see how I wouldn't have very many good days or days with nothing to complain about. I'm the first to admit that I do nothing but complain about work and co-workers and such, but I have to say that I've been doing a lot less of that since I got home from school this year. It isn't because there's been less to be upset about, but rather the opposite. There is so much going on, so much more stress than ever before in my life right now, that I just don't have the energy to grasp it all. I have never been as tired as I have been in the last 3 months. There are so many days during the week that make me want to just give up, lay down and let the world walk all over me. Today is not one of those days. In fact, today is one of the best days that I've had in a very long time. I can honestly say that I haven't felt this good since I got back from Utah. Nothing terribly significant happened today. It was actually one of my more stressful days this week. I had an 8AM meeting at the Olive Garden, worked until 4:00 and then went straight to my other job and worked until 10PM. No break today. However, directly following the meeting I was told by my boss and two co-workers what a great job they thing I've been doing. They had all kinds of great compliments to say, which made me feel great! There is nothing like hearing that you're doing a great job at work. If that wasn't enough, my boss promised me a performance review in the next week or so which means a pay raise, which I've been waiting for for about 2 years now. I was walking on clouds after that, but there is more. When I went to my other job today, we were very busy. I was running my tail off most of the night and getting great tips. The part of the night that really topped off my day was toward the end when one of my customers handed me a huge tip and told me what a wonderful waitress I was and how great of a job he thinks I'm doing. He said he understands how hard it can be going to school and working at the same time and he knows how stressful it can be and he thinks that I'm handling it all so gracefully. I almost cried right there at the table. I know that doesn't sound like much, but it feels so good when someone recognizes how hard I'm working. I really needed to hear all that today. Sometimes that is really all it takes.

I Just Need Light

Do you ever stop to think about how much time we spend in our lives just waiting? We're waiting for the light to turn green, for the line to move just a bit so that we can get an inch closer to getting out of this crowded store, for the next person to start their shift so we can go home, to find out where we'll be in the coming months, waiting for the news, for the bad news we know has to come next, and for the next chapter of our lives to begin. So what am I waiting for you ask? There are a million answers to that question. I wish I had a fast forward button for my life.

The Love of My Life Makes My Day Again

I have many things that I could complain about today because it was a long long day of working both jobs, but I only have one thing worth mentioning because it is too important to put among work complaints. This is it:

I pre-ordered my copy of the new Jack's Mannequin CD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who Died?

Remember when you were a kid and everyone always told you that you could do whatever you wanted to do when you grow up? That you could be whatever you wanted to be? So it is like 15-20 years later and you're looking around and you're thinking "I never said anything about wanting to be a waitress..." Or is that just me?

I recently decided not to pursue a career in journalism. The idea of becoming a librarian is becoming more and more appealing to me. I love books and I love libraries, so why not? I'm not sure if I'm serious about this or if it will just become a running joke. We'll see I guess. There are a million things I could do right?

I went down to the college today to enroll and get my credits transferred over. It went well. Although there was this one lady in the office that kept telling me that my credits aren't going to transfer over so I shouldn't bother talking to anyone about it, I should just sign up for the placement tests. Well everyone knows how I hate being told that I can't do something so I didn't take her advice, I went to every single department and talked to people about my credits and sure enough, every one of them transferred over perfectly so I don't have to take any placement tests. I wanted to kick that lady in the head. But I didn't. Because I'm short. Anyway, I'm one step closer to getting back to school and becoming... something. Anything. Maybe I'll just be a professional student. I don't really know what I want to do anymore. Any suggestions? Someone once suggested that I become an assassin. We'll call that Plan B.

My sister said today that I need to spice up my blog. She wants me to talk about something racy. I think she is just bored because she's pregnant and never leaves the house. She has to live vicariously through me. Well that sucks because I have no life. I'm the loser who never gets invited to do anything fun because my answer is always "I can't I have to work." That being said, I never do anything interesting. I have no love life to speak of. I have few friends, and the few I do have live far away. So what was I thinking starting a blog? Who knows?

Ok I lied a little bit. I do have a love life, or have had one, to speak of. I prefer to respect the privacy of the boys I've left in the dust though. I really shouldn't put it like that. That sounds mean. I may be dead on the inside, but when it comes to relationships and dating I try to do as little damage as possible. I can't say that I have tons of experience when it comes to this stuff, though. To be perfectly honest I've never been very good at the whole dating thing. I have some pretty intense stories, sure, but some is not a lot. Because of that, I'm very surprised at how many people come to me with their relationship problems. As if I could be any help to them. I never really know what to say. Who am I to give advice on such a subject? If you want to know how to scare a person into never speaking to you again, you come to me. If you need help putting together your resume, I'm your girl. If you need a good book to read, I can suggest many. But when it comes to relationships and being human, I'm lost. No, I don't know why your boyfriend doesn't listen to you. Why don't you just take your blow dryer and bash him over the head with it? Then he'll pay attention. Can't deal with your girlfriend's mood swings? Maybe you should try not having a girlfriend? Don't ask me. I honestly couldn't care less. I'm too selfish to care about those problems. It drives me crazy when I'm at work and everyone is just standing around whining about their boyfriends/girlfriends. I always interrupt and it goes something like this:
Me: "Who died?"
Them: "What? No one."
Me: "Then who cares??"

Kind of puts things in perspective huh?

Maybe Being Productive is Overrated

My cousin, Erika, has convinced me to start a blog. I've been posting blogs on myspace for a couple of years now, but apparently that isn't good enough for her. So here is where I will inform you all of the random thoughts that flow through my head when I'm sitting in traffic or stuck at a red light, not paying attention to when it turns green and then someone honks at me because green means go! Who knew? I did, but I was too busy day dreaming or reflecting on the mortifying experience I had at work that day (I'll get to that. Today's is pretty embarrassing!). I'll try to keep this as up to date as possible, but I do get busy every once in a while and forget these sorts of things.

So I can't say that there is a lot happening in my life at the moment. I've been working a lot, but that is nothing new. I guess a lot of you don't know that I'm not going back to Utah for school this fall. I'm not too happy about that, to be honest. I really miss school and my friends and my cousins. I had a really great time there last year. Everything will be fine though. I'll be going to school here in Eugene instead. Living with my parents again is not the easiest thing for me, but I'm working on moving out.

Speaking of moving, we just moved to a new house here in Eugene. This is the 3rd time I've moved this year. Moving kind of sucks. I'm finally settled in here though. It took me forever to unpack everything (again) but I got it done. Ok, wow, that news was not as exciting as I thought it would be. Sorry about that!

Ok so on to more interesting things. Do you ever have those horrible nightmares about school or work where you do something really stupid or embarrassing and when you wake up you think "man I'm glad that was just a dream!"? Well today was one of those days where I was pinching myself to wake up, but I wasn't dreaming. I was at work and showing some customers to their table and I turned the corner and didn't see my boss standing there. I ran right into him. But I didn't just run into him. Lets just say my hand was down pretty low when we bumped into each other... There was definite touching of things. He kind of yelped and my face turned bright red! It was like one of those things you read in a magazine about other people doing and you make fun of them because it is really stupid, but you never expect it to happen to you. I just kept apologizing. I really hope he forgets about that very soon.

I decided today that my life needs background music. Every once in a while I go through these phases where I have to be listening to music at all times. Not only that, but sometimes I feel the need to make other people listen to what I want to be listening to. Just for your own personal reference, right now I'm in the mood for Jack's Mannequin. I just heard their two new songs and I'm even more obsessed than I was before, if that is possible. Someday I'm going to hire someone to follow me around with speakers and my iPod, and just play whatever songs I feel like listening to. I will subject everyone around me to my music.

I just finished reading this book called And Then We Came to the End. I actually really liked it. I give it three and a half stars out of five. It didn't start out well. The author had a very strange way of expressing his thoughts. It felt really scattered for a while but once you get past the first 200 pages you figure it out and it is actually quite good. There is quite a bit of swearing in the book and one or two sex scenes, but if you don't mind that then it is definitely worth the read. Now I'm reading Memo to the President Elect by Madeleine Albright. I'm almost done with it. She is actually a very good writer. I don't agree with everything she had to say but am finding a lot of it very informative. If any of you have read any good books lately, please let me know. I love to read and I'm always looking for new books to check out.

Lets see... I think most of you know that my sister is pregnant. She is due December 1st and is having a boy. Gavin James Beckworth will be his name. I suppose I should say "is" his name. I've already started to spoil him. I bought him a few outfits and a teddy bear. Maylee and Tim came to visit last week and I got to feel my nephew kicking. It was kind of scary! I can't wait until he gets here. Just a few more months!

Alright everyone, I'm off to bed. I don't feel quite as productive as I thought I would.